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第0章 兽心通明者

　　'I don't know- it is not easy to describe- nothing striking, butyou feel it when he speaks to you; you cannot be always sure whetherhe is in jest or earnest, whether he is pleased or the contrary; youdon't thoroughly understand him, in short- at least, I don't: but itis of no consequence, he is a very good master.'

　　'I don't think you have, Bessie.'

　　Helen was talking to herself now: she had forgotten I could notvery well understand her- that I was ignorant, or nearly so, of thesubject she discussed. I recalled her to my level.

　　Bessie and I conversed about old times an hour longer, and then shewas obliged to leave me: I saw her again for a few minutes the nextmorning at Lowton, while I was waiting for the coach. We partedfinally at the door of the Brocklehurst Arms there, each went herseparate way; she set off for the brow of Lowood Fell to meet theconveyance which was to take her back to Gateshead, I mounted thevehicle which was to bear me to new duties and a new life in theunknown environs of Millcote.

　　From the day she left I was no longer the same: with her was goneevery settled feeling, every association that had made Lowood insome degree a home to me. I had imbibed from her something of hernature and much of her habits: more harmonious thoughts: what seemedbetter regulated feelings had become the inmates of my mind. I hadgiven in allegiance to duty and order; I was quiet; I believed I wascontent: to the eyes of others, usually even to my own, I appeared adisciplined and subdued character.

　　'My feet they are sore, and my limbs they are weary;

　　'Oh, he is not doing so well as his mama could wish. He went tocollege, and he got- plucked, I think they call it: and then hisuncles wanted him to be a barrister, and study the law: but he is sucha dissipated young man, they will never make much of him, I think.'

　　'No crowding,' said Mr. Rochester: 'take the drawings from myhand as I finish with them; but don't push your faces up to mine.'

　　THERE was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had beenwandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning;but since dinner (Mrs. Reed, when there was no company, dined early)the cold winter wind had brought with it clouds so sombre, and arain so penetrating, that further outdoor exercise was now out ofthe question.